Prince Leo
Finally!
Here it is – my highly anticipated birth story :) in typical ‘me’ fashion, it is six months after the fact LOL
I left in all the details, keeping it as chronological as I could for my Type-A brain by using the timestamps from the photos to guide my way through the experience.
Aside from my vagina and nipples being blacked out, all the photos and videos I chose to share are real, raw, and absolutely beautiful. It is messy and bloody and if you cannot handle that then this blog is not for you. Birth is magical, without a doubt. I never truly knew what my body was capable of until this experience.
I want to start by saying that with the birth of my daughter, Charlee – things were entirely opposite. I was 19, chose a typical hospital setting with an OBGYN. I got my membranes stripped and was induced three weeks early for no real reason. They gave me Pitocin, broke my water and I got an epidural right away... I literally did not feel one single contraction and when it was time to push, I pushed for 6 sets of three and Charlee was out. Piece of cake, piece of pie.
For Leo – I obviously chose to have a homebirth with a midwife. That experience alone was so intimate and personal and absolutely fucking INCREDIBLE. I only went to a Doctor’s office twice, at 9 weeks for an ultrasound and at 20 weeks for another ultrasound. Everything was done at my house. Bloodwork, glucose test, you name it I was comfortable in my own space in my pajamas with my family. I didn’t obsess over the birth; I didn’t even contemplate what it would feel like or if I could handle it or what if something went wrong – I just knew it was going to be perfect and divine, regardless. Every morning I wrote, “I had a healthy, sacred and safe home birth” in my Start Today journal and I did just that. However, it wasn’t as simple as it sounds. I had to WORK for it. It was not AT ALL a ‘piece of cake, piece of pie’. I felt everything, and the mental challenge was by far one of the hardest parts, staying calm and focused. Leo was in a garbage position and 2 lbs. bigger than Charlee was, and I am arguably smaller than I was at 19 so at times it felt like trying to fit a square into a circle, but I did it. My body and my baby knew exactly what to do, as my midwife kept reminding me.
After all was said and done - Joyce, Alexis and I discussed how if I ‘hypothetically’ decided to have a hospital birth and not go the homebirth route, and Leo was in the same position at the hospital that he was in here at my house, (backwards and sideways), and I had the same situation with this ‘lip’ on my cervix making it more challenging for him to come out… the hospital would’ve decided to give me an episiotomy, without question, and then more than likely transfer me to a c-section. Mind you, I did not tear at all AND I successfully delivered my baby naturally, at home. Just so insane to me the difference of empowering a woman while she is in labor vs. expecting her to be a “good patient”.
This experience was obviously a challenge as a first-time home birther, but I am so grateful for the entire experience, because you don’t know what you don’t know until you know it. Me being the researcher I am, I knew about how contractions come and go in waves and build in intensity… but you do not know exactly what that feels like until you’re in the middle of one. I knew about the ‘Ring of Fire’ and how it burns, and stings and the pressure is super intense … but you do not know exactly what those sensations feel like until you’re going through it. I would not change a damn thing about my birth story if I could go back in time, and I am so grateful for my husband and my birthing team (Joyce and Alexis) who became family to all of us.
I cannot wait to bring the next little Saad into this world!
Enjoy
Xo
January 5th - Zach and I had sex before bed, and I started bleeding afterwards! Yay! – a sign that things were moving, I text Joyce to let her know.
January 6th – Impatient, I decided to pull my tarot cards to see what was keeping my body and baby from going into labor, as I was now approaching 41 weeks – my cards told me to chill and trust, something I already knew. At 11:11 pieces of my mucus plug were in the toilet when I went pee! Crazy, it’s happening, the beginning of what was to come.
January 8th – 4:00am, things felt different, got up to pee and more of my mucus plug was there when I wiped. I started timing my contractions and at
4:30am they were averaging 1 minute 12 seconds long being 6 minutes apart – putting me in the ‘initial’ first stage of labor. I entered it into my app, and it said…
“Get ready! We recommend that you get ready to go to the hospital. Now, you can check whether you packed all the things and documents. Time allows you to take a shower and have a light meal. Continue timing contractions. If the hospital is far away or this is not your first baby, you may be better off going to the hospital right now. In addition, we recommend that you consult your doctor.”
I text Joyce to let her know, she said to try and go back to bed and get some rest and not to time more than 5 contractions within an hour. At this point I was breathing through them fine, but definitely uncomfortable – I was not going back to bed lol
6:00am, I started timing my contractions again and they were still 1 minute and 19 seconds long but now they were coming a lot faster at 3 minutes apart – putting me in the ‘active phase’ of the first stage of labor. I entered it into my app, and it said…
“Go to the hospital! It’s time to go to the hospital. Make sure to bring the items and documents you will need during your hospital stay. In addition, we recommend that you consult your doctor.”
I text Joyce to let her know and she said she will gather her things and be on her way to the house! At this point I woke up Zach and let him know it was time! We were not going back to bed, and he needed to wake up with me so he could get the tub and my birthing space ready. Zach blew up the tub and was going to hang the lights I initially wanted but I was honestly over it. At that point my contractions were getting more uncomfortable, and I was needing to breathe through them with a little more intention. Fuck the lights.
7:15am, Zach started to take some first photos which had a beautiful ray of sunlight peeking in through the window and the most incredible green orb floating around all over me and my little (big) Leo belly <3 It was a sign that both my dad and Zach’s dad were there with us. One of the reasons I wanted to have Leo at our house was because my dad has passed away there three years earlier and I wanted to bring life where there was once death, closing out the energetic cycle of life.
7:50am, Joyce arrived! Moving and swaying through my contractions.
Periodically, Zach would hand me one of my birthing affirmation cards, or ask me to intuitively pick a few from the deck and let the Universe show me what I needed to read and remember at that moment. I went to pee and labored on the toilet for a little bit.
8:10am, Started laboring over the yoga ball. I put a nice fuzzy black blanket over it, so it felt super soft and warm, Zach sat on the birthing stool in front of me and rubbed my back, it was very comforting… until it wasn’t, and I needed to move. Constantly moving. They said at our labor class to switch positions every 30-45 minutes.
8:40am, My contractions were getting stronger. Having Zach use counter pressure and touch me was starting to get scarier as it went on, fearing that he would touch me the wrong way and throw me out of my concentration that was needed to move through the waves that kept coming. I moved to the chaise lounge. Covered it with the same fuzzy blanket, grabbed the spikey laundry ball and labored on that. Joyce came up behind me and started rubbing me up and down. As nervous as I was for Zach’s touches (which were AMAZING in the beginning stages), it was as if Joyce knew what my body was fearing and what it needed. She gently slid her hands from my shoulders all the way down my side to my legs and back up again. It was so calming. Reassuring. Safe. She could hear the shakiness in my moans, knowing the waves were getting stronger. I was progressing.
9:00am, I tried to go back to the ball, I tried to stand and sway, Zach tried to help open my hips. It was no longer comfortable. It was no longer an option. Alexis showed up. The gang was all here – its go time.
9:15am, I moved to the bed. The bed sucked. Lol, granted it gave my body a moment to rest in-between contractions but DAMN laying down was so challenging. Joyce and I had discussed the tub a little earlier and I told her I didn’t want to get in the tub until it was time to push knowing that the water can sometimes slow down the progress of dilating. We decided she was going to check my cervix and see where I was at… If I was over a 6, we would start to get the tub ready knowing it would take about 45 minutes to fill but if I wasn’t at a 6 yet I would keep laboring on land. She checked me on the bed, didn’t tell me where I was at but told me we can go ahead and start setting up the tub. Music to my ears! Alexis helped comfort me and touch me in all the right places, Joyce laid in bed with me for a bit and Zach was at the end of the bed rubbing my feet. So grateful for my team! Everyone was switching positions coming to my aid. Taking turns getting the tub ready, coming in and out of the room. My contractions were so strong. I was gripping the pillow like it was nobody’s business and you could see the pain in my face when a surge would come. Finally, it was time to get in the tub!
10:00am, TUB TIME! The relief I felt in the tub was like no other relief I had felt yet in my labor. The warmth, the weightlessness, it was literally EVERYTHING. Zach sat next to me on the birthing stool. Joyce rubbed my arms. I did find that when my stomach was facing up and I was leaning back on the tub my contractions were WAY WORSE than if I was leaning over the tub with my stomach down. MY contractions were ROUGH either way though. I found myself trying to run away from them, gripping the side of the tub and tensing up but constantly reminding myself to just stay calm, relax my body, and BREATHE. Joyce was so helpful with this.
10:50am, I asked Joyce to check me again, I wanted to know where my cervix was at. She checked me in the tub, and we figured out a few things. First, I was at about a 9 ½ - ALMOST THERE! Second, I had a ‘lip’ on the front of my cervix that would eventually ‘melt like butter’ and move out of the way but for now, it was there. Lastly, my water had yet to break. She could feel the bag tighten when I had a contraction and knew it would eventually break with pressure once I got to a 10 and started pushing but I knew based on my research that once my bag broke, things typically tend to move a little faster. I confirmed with Joyce and asked her to break my bag. Joyce said my fluid was nice and clear, she listened to Leo’s heartbeat during a contraction, and he sounded perfect. Not a care in the world. Things were picking up even more now!
11:11am, I had to pee, I moved to the toilet. Zach followed me and I labored there for a bit. Joyce also followed me in there. Reminding me not to run from my contractions. I was cold, wrapped in a towel. Gripping the walls for my life lol. Now that my water was broke, I noticed an increase in sensation and pressure from Leo’s head now directly rubbing and grinding down against my cervix, bone to bone, without the cushion of a bag to be a buffer. The waves were becoming more and more intense. I wondered how much stronger they could get.
11:40am, back in the tub, but not for long! My sports bra got totally soaked from me submerging myself in the water - so off it went! I started to notice a different sensation in my body. An ‘up-level’ of contraction if you will. Something I had not yet felt before. It was a shaking and quivering feeling in my abdominals. In hindsight, I now know that this feeling I was noticing was my body telling me it was time to ‘bear down’ and push but I didn’t know at the time, and I just kept trying to run from it and breathe through it instead of listening to the wisdom of my baby and body and begin pushing.
12:10pm, I got out of the tub since I was in there for a while and Joyce recommended that I started pushing hovering over the ground. Zach sat on the birthing stool, and I was propped up with my hands on his knees. I asked Joyce to check and see what she could feel, and she said she could feel Leo’s head, about a finger’s length up, but he seems to be getting caught on the lip on my cervix. Pushing this way was not comfortable, as if anything truly was. We moved back to the bed to give my physical body a break. I knew the bed was going to suck even more not having gravity, but I definitely needed to lay down.
12:25pm, We made our way to the bed to start pushing there. It was terrible, omg. Why do women labor only on their back in the hospitals? I was running from all the contractions, could not get comfortable, even the breaks were so short it felt like I wasn’t even getting any. At this point, Joyce was helping me to not only know where to push by using her fingers to show me but also holding the lip of my cervix open to make room for Leo as that was becoming quite an issue. We tried all the things pushing here. I feel like it was non-stop and never-ending gymnastics. Hands and knees, both legs up, one leg up, flat on my back and it was exhausting to say the least. Every push I had Joyce would feel Leo’s head make some progress down and then immediately after I stopped pushing, he would go right back up and in. At one point I was pushing so hard my lips turned purple and Zach told me to take a break and just breathe through a contraction and not push, drink some water, and regather myself. Leo was a lot bigger than we initially thought, and on top of the cervix lip issue I had going on we also realized that Leo was not in a great position. He was backwards and sideways (not upside down but crooked and not facing the ideal way to exit) and Alexis mentioned how he was in the same position her son was in when she tried to have a homebirth (which after 10 HOURS OF PUSHING, she got transferred to the hospital). I was nervous. Joyce left, Alexis came in and it was a good cop bad cop tough love moment. Alexis told me this was not going to be easy, I was not going to get any more breaks in between contractions, everything about what is to come is going to suck but if I want to get my baby out, I am going to have to ‘muscle him out’ and push as hard as I can. This was the wakeup call and reminder that I needed. I’m birthing a fucking baby!
1:05pm, After an hour of pushing in my room, it now dawned on me that the foreign feeling I experienced in the tub that was making me quiver and shake, was the urge to bear down and push, THAT was what my body was trying to tell me to do an hour ago in the tub! It all clicked and made sense now – totally sick of the bed, I asked Joyce if I could go back in the tub. She let me know a lot of women have difficulty pushing in there since it is harder to ‘get your bearings’ but I knew that I felt safe in there, I do not feel safe in the bed… I wanted to try. On our way, we made a pit stop at the kitchen counter for a couple contractions. Using gravity, a puppy pad, and a mirror, I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing. Joyce turned to Zach and said, “That should’ve done something.” At that point, I got in my head. The doubt started to creep in. Could I even do this? Is Leo too big to come out of me naturally? Is the position Leo being in going to make my story like Alexis’, pushing for 10 hours only to be transferred to a hospital anyways?
1:10pm, I got in the tub. HALLELULIAH! Oh my goddddd, did it feel good! I felt so incredibly safe. The most comfortable (LOL) I had felt in what seemed like eternity. I looked at Joyce, feeling defeated and I asked her, “So what now, what happens if I can’t push my baby out? What’s the plan?” She looked at me with the most comforting smile and said, “Jamie, you’re going to have your baby today, right here in this house, because your body and your baby know what to do.” That was all I needed to hear. I assumed the squatting position that I had just taken at the kitchen counter but only now I was in the tub, and I gave it my fucking ALL! Joyce must’ve had some type of midwife superpower sixth sense because she said “I need you to consent to something… If I tell you to get out of the tub you need to promise me that you’ll just get out...” “OF COURSE!”, I said. Not even a question in my mind, I would do anything she told me to do, but a seed was planted.
1:25pm, Progress was being made!!! I was pushing literally as hard as I could, at this point screaming animalistic sounds bearing down with all I had, gripping Zach’s hands with so much power. Joyce was behind me almost falling over into the tub with a smile on her face trying to see what was going on down there. I felt like I was going to rip from my vagina to my asshole, but Joyce assured me that I would not, and this means it’s happening! The infamous ‘Ring of Fire. One cannot mentally prepare for this feeling until you’ve experienced it yourself. “Leo’s head is coming out!” Joyce said. “Really?” I questioned. “YES, feel for yourself!” I reached my hand in between my legs and felt SO MUCH HAIR! Something I will never forget. This gave me even more momentum! I got passed that buttery lip that never melted away so I knew at this point that I couldn’t give up! Leo’s head was almost out! Another contraction came, I pushed with all of my strength! Leo was stuck around the widest part of his head. What I mean by that is, I didn’t push his entire head out giving my vagina a break from stretching around the smallest part of his neck, he was stuck around the widest part of his massive head, when suddenly, my contraction ended. I waited for another contraction… nothing. “JOYCE, I am not getting another contraction! Can I push without one??” “YES!” she said, “Push with all you have!” I started pushing without any help from my body. “Jamie, it’s time to get out of the tub, get out of the tub now.”
1:30pm, I got out of the tub with half of a baby’s head in between my legs and Joyce instructed me to lay down on the floor – I thought she meant hands and knees but nope, she told me to lay down on my back with both knees into my chest and push with all my might! I never got another contraction. And at that moment I realized how valuable they were, wishing I could get them back. I pushed so hard, and everything happened so fast and before I knew it Leo’s head was all the way out, what a feeling, that relief and break from being so stretched out. Joyce then helped maneuver Leo’s shoulders out and at 1:30 he was born! Again, the relief my body felt was insane and immediate. Joyce and Alexis started talking their midwife lingo and at that moment I realized with one glance along with context clues that Leo was blue or purple or whatever color means he wasn’t breathing. Joyce started breathing for him, mouth to mouth. I couldn’t look. All I kept saying quietly and calmly under my breath was “Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay.” As tears slowly started trickling down my face, Zach was right by my side as Leo started to get some color back to him, started breathing, grunting, squawking and eventually started to cry…
1:35pm, Leo was placed on my chest for the first time. Zach and I were both crying as we laid there together on the floor, the three of us. WHAT A FUCKING EXPERIENCE!
1:45pm, everyone helped Leo and I to the bed in our room, we got comfortable in there as a new family.
1:50pm, I birthed my placenta. Super easy - and what a relief to get EVERYTHING out that had been growing inside me for so long. To say I felt ‘lighter’ is the biggest understatement of all time, both physically and mentally. To say I was proud of myself, both my body and my birth, another huge understatement.
1:55pm, Leo started nursing and he latched on right away and nursed and nursed and nursed. My heart was so full!
3:10pm, Zach cut Leo’s umbilical cord! Joyce got the placenta ready for Amanda to pick up (I was getting it encapsulated), we weighed Leo (8lbs 14oz), measured his length (20.5in), and Zach finally held him for the first time!
What. An amazing. Experience.
I absolutely cannot wait to do it all again!
OH! And just a final little note – Leo was born with a “Stork Bite”, I never heard of that before, but it is a marking from burst capillaries at birth and Leo has it above his right eyelid and on the back of his head near the top of his neck, as if a Stork picked him up with his beak to drop him off at the house. Well, people also call it an “Angels Kiss” saying that those markings also mean that your baby was kissed by an angel on his way out, transitioning from the spirit realm to earthside… in our case, Leo must’ve been kissed by two angels. <3
RIP: Ronald Lee Fife & Daryl Anthony Saad, the best grandpa and papa around, even all the way from heaven.
Xo